was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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