I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize