You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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