one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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