Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
