YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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