So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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