Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
