Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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