I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
