I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
