who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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