Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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