K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
