I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
