i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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