I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
