I hate your face
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Let's get the cat blown out
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
