even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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