I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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