you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
