I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
