wrigley field is MILF paradise
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
