I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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