you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
