Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize