shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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