My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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