I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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