he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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