yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
