so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
