The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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