I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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