So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
