We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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