Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize