I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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