you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
