i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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