you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
