Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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