I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize