i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
