In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
