I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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