I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
