Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
