Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
