were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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