Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The air taste purple.
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