We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
