He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
