her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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