I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
