Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
