what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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