i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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