According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
