Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
