It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
