I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize