you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
