I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
