Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
