i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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