so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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